MY FIRST PAYING DINNER CRUISE ON ZION'S DREAM
I SHOULD HAVE SENSED AN OMEN ON THIS EXCESSIVELY HOT AND HUMID MID SUMMER DAY. IT WAS AT THE TURN OF THE MILLENNIUM WHEN A FRAIL ELDERLY GENTLEMAN STEPPED TOWARDS ME AND BRUSQUELY INQUIRED, “WHO ARE YOU?” “I AM MOIRA, MOIRA DILLS. I OWN THE BOAT,” I SAID, FULLY EXPECTING A SMILE, AND HALF EXPECTING A COMPLEMENT IN RETURN. THEN, TO MY SURPRISE, HE REACHED UP TO HIS NECK AND RIPPED OFF A LARGE SQUARE BAND AID. “SEE THIS?” HE ANXIOUSLY INQUIRED IN A RATHER THREATENING TONE, “I GET WATER IN THIS AND I AM DEAD!” I GASPED IN HORROR AS HE EXPOSED A CAVERNOUS HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS THROAT; THE RESULT OF A TRACHEOTOMY. I WAS VISIBLY SHOCKED AND TAKEN ABACK. THOUGHTS LIKE LIABILITY, LEAPT, JANGLED AND JARRED THROUGH MY MIND IN THIS SUE HAPPY AGE IN WHICH WE NOW LIVE AND SO SUDDENLY...I WAS NOT SUE HAPPY. “WELL, MAYBE, YOU SHOULDN’T COME?” I TENTATIVELY SUGGESTED. “NO, NO”, THE GROOM HASTILY INTERJECTED, “HE’S MY FATHER, JUST GIVE HIM THE TIRE INNER TUBE WITH THE LIFE JACKET - HE’LL BE FINE. HE’S GOING!” I WAS STUNNED, BUT THERE WAS NO TIME TO DWELL ON IT BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING. LINES WERE LOOSED, PROPS WERE PURRING, GENERATOR GENNING AND IT WAS ALL SYSTEMS GO FOR A GLORIOUS RIDE DOWN THE “THE RIO DE LOS BRAZOS DE DIOS,” OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE “THE RIVER OF THE ARMS OF GOD”. WOW. MY CUSTOM MADE BOAT HAD BEEN CONCEIVED AMIDST MUCH ADVERSITY AND CONTROVERSY IN 1999; DELAYS OF EVERY KIND HAD PLAGUED ITS TIMELY BIRTH IN THE LATE AND LAZY HAZY SUMMER DAYS OF 2000. I STILL HAD SERIOUS RESERVATIONS ABOUT TAKING RESERVATIONS, BUT WHEN ASKED IF I WOULD PLEASE RENT HER OUT FOR THIS FERRY TALE WEDDING, I CAUTIOUSLY AGREED. IT SEEMED VIABLE; ANOTHER TEST DRIVE AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE COMPLETELY FUNCTIONAL. I ONLY LACKED THE AIR CONDITIONING AND SOUND SYSTEMS. NO PROBLEM; THE GROOM EVEN HAD HIS OWN BAND AND SOUND SYSTEM AND WHO NEEDS AIR CONDITIONING ON A BOAT, SO LONG AS THE OTHER SYSTEMS WERE SOUND? IT WAS AGREED; I WOULD DO IT! I CUT HIM A STEAL OF A DEAL, JUST ENOUGH TO COVER MY COST WITH THE CLEAR UNDERSTANDING THAT THE BOAT WAS NOT COMPLETELY FINISHED, BUT IF THEY WANTED IT, I WOULD ACCOMMODATE THEM. THEY WERE A GREAT COUPLE AND GOOD LOOKING TOO! I WOULD EVEN HAVE ATTRACTIVE PHOTOS. YEAH. IT WAS ALL ARRANGED; THE MARINA HAD A MEXICAN RESTAURANT AT THE TIME, AND THEY WOULD CATER THE FOOD. DECORATIONS WERE SET UP WITH A WEDDING ARCH ON THE UPPER DECK THAT WAS TRIMMED IN IVY AND MORNING GLORIES FOR THIS GLORIOUS EVENT. NETTING AND TWINKLE LIGHTS COMPLETED THE HEAVENLY PICTURE THAT WOULD BE PICTURE PERFECT FOR WHEN THE MOON CAME OUT AND WE WOULD ALL CELEBRATE UNDER THE STARRY HOST OF HEAVEN. A PHOTOGRAPHER WOULD CAPTURE THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS; THE SCRUMPTIOUS CAKE WAS DELIVERED AND THE TABLES WERE DECORATED, DRIPPING IN DELIGHTS AND DELICACIES AND YES, I THOUGHT IT WAS TRULY A DREAM. THE BIG DAY HAD FINALLY ARRIVED FOR MY FIRST PAYING TRIP ON ZION’S DREAM. HOW COULD THESE 40 GUESTS EVER GUESS MY OWN EXCITEMENT, APPREHENSION AND ANTICIPATION ALL EFFERVESCING FROM WITHIN? A MARGARITA MACHINE HAD BEEN WRESTLED ON BOARD, BUT THIS MOIRA-GREETER HAD MORE EXCITEMENT BUBBLING UP INSIDE THAN ANY BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. AS THEY BOARDED, SURELY I WAS AS EXCITED AS THE BRIDE! NOBODY WOULD EVER BELIEVE ALL THE TRIALS THAT I HAD ALREADY BEEN THROUGH; I COULD HARDLY GRASP IT ALL MYSELF...AND WE HAD ONLY JUST BEGUN. THE GROOM WAS THE SINGER OF HIS OWN BAND WHICH WOULD NOW PROVIDE THE MUSIC. THE BAND HAD LABORIOUSLY HAULED ITS HEAVY SOUND EQUIPMENT AND INSTRUMENTS ON BOARD, THEN DRAGGED AND BUMPED THEIR MUSIC MAKING PARAPHERNALIA, AND POSSIBLY OTHER KINDS OF PARAPHERNALIA TOO, TO THE VERY TOP PARAPET ON THE THIRD FLOOR? HOW AWESOME! WELL DRESSED GUESTS HAD ARRIVED AND I NERVOUSLY BRISTLED WITH UNCERTAIN PRIDE AT THE OOOHS AND AHHHHS AS THEY SURVEYED THE INTERIOR OF THE BOAT. SOME THOUGHT IT IMPRESSIVE. OR WAS THAT THE HEAT? IT WAS IMPRESSIVELY OPPRESSIVE; POSSIBLY THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR SO FAR, OR SO IT SEEMED, PRESSING AROUND 104˚F. ONE LADY IN PARTICULAR WAS VERY DRAINED BY IT. “WHERE IS THE AIR?” SHE GASPED. “THERE ISN’T ANY”, I APOLOGIZED WITH MY OWN AIRE OF DESPONDENCY, WHEREUPON SHE JUST STARED AT ME IN DESPAIR, EVEN AS I HELPLESSLY... STARED BACK. WAS THAT A PREMONITION I WAS SEEING? SHE SEEMED TO WILT BEFORE MY EYES, AS SHE SLOWLY STAGGERED OFF, CAUTIOUSLY CLINGING TO THE TABLES AS SHE CREPT ALONG WHILE STRAIGHTENING THE TABLE DECORATIONS ALONG THE WAY. MY HEART WENT OUT TO HER AND I FELT AWKWARD ABOUT THE SITUATION, BUT MY HANDS WERE A LITTLE FULL, AND REALLY, WHAT COULD I DO? WELL IN HINDSIGHT AND TIME TO THINK CLEARLY, I COULD AT LEAST HAVE PRAYED FOR A GRACIOUS ZEPHYR WIND. I COULD HAVE PUT A SPECIAL COMFORTABLE CHAIR IN THE COOLEST BREEZIEST SPOT, I COULD HAVE FETCHED HER ICE COLD WATER... I WONDERED IF MAYBE THIS TRIP WAS NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL. SURE, THE BRIDE AND GROOM KNEW ABOUT THE TERRIFIC RATE, ON ACCOUNT OF US NOT HAVING AIR CONDITIONING, AND NOT BEING THOROUGHLY READY, BUT HAD THEY PASSED THAT INFO ON TO THEIR GUESTS? MAY BE NOT... BUT NEVER MIND; MORE GUESTS, MORE FOOD, MORE PRESENTS AND MORE BAND MEMBERS HAD TUMBLED ON AMIDST LOTS OF SMILES AND LAUGHTER. IT WAS GETTING A BIT CROWDED, AND WITH A GROWING SENSE OF WONDERMENT AND APPREHENSION I SECURED THE CATWALKS BEHIND THE PREACHER, PHOTOGRAPHER, AND HIS WIFE. READY OR NOT, ALL ABOARD, WE WERE DEPARTING THE DOCK. I COULD NOT HELP BUT BE A BIT ANXIOUS, BUT ALL WAS WELL AS MY HEART RACED WITH ANTICIPATION AND I ASSISTED THE CAPTAIN WITH OUR VERY FIRST FULL DEPARTURE. CAREFULLY THE CAPTAIN REVERSED AWAY FROM THE SLIP AND REALITY SET IN THAT THIS WAS REALLY HAPPENING AS WE SLIPPED OFF FOR OUR ROMANTIC DINNER CRUISE. IT WAS FULL STEAM AHEAD AND TIME FOR MY PREPARED SHORT SPEECH. SO FAR, SO GOOD BUT I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS AS IT WAS ALSO MY FIRST RECITAL. I TOOK A FEW MINUTES TO TELL ABOUT THE BOAT, THE LIFE JACKETS, SAFETY PROCEDURES AND THE FACT THAT THE PONTOONS WERE FOAM FILLED AND THEREFORE THE BOAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO SINK. HOW I HOPED AND PRAYED THIS WAS TRUE, AFTER ALL, ISN’T THAT WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THE TITAN-IC…AND WASN’T APHRODITE A TITAN, BORN ON THE CRESTS... OF SEAFOAM? I WOULD JUST GIVE MY SPEECH AND HOPE THAT MY PADDLE WHEELS WOULD JUST PADDLE RIGHT ON. AFTER ALL, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CELEBRATION; SOME THINGS I GUESSED THE GUESTS JUST DID NOT WANT TO NOAHA BOAT. THE WEDDING CEREMONY TOOK PLACE ON THE UPPER DECK WHERE ZION’S DREAM WAS ADORNED LIKE A BRIDE HERSELF. THE PINK PADDLEWHEEL POUNDED THROUGH THE WATER CREATING A DELIGHTFUL SPUME THAT SHOWERED UP BEHIND US, GLISTENING IN THE BLUSH OF THE FADING EVENING LIGHT. THE RIVER GURGLED HAPPILY FROM BELOW. THE DRAMATIC WHITE BLUFFS THAT ROSE UP BESIDE US WERE DRAPED IN THE SUN’S PASTEL HUE FOR THIS AUSPICIOUS OCCASION; IT WAS TRULY IDYLLIC ON THE VERY BEAUTIFUL BRAZOS RIVER THAT NIGHT. EXCITEMENT FILLED THE AIR FOR GUESTS AND STAFF ALIKE AS THE COUPLE SAID THEIR “I DO’S” AND I HAD ANOTHER FEELING...THAT IT WAS ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? THE GUESTS EVEN BLEW BUBBLES THAT DRIFTED IN THE SULTRY SUMMER AIR LIKE RAINBOW COLORED FAIRIES FLOATING OVER AIRY WAVES TO COMPLETE THIS PERFECT ETHEREAL SCENE. GLAD TIDINGS WAFTED UP TO THE HEAVENLIES THAT THIS COUPLE NOW WAS TIED. TIMING TOO WAS PERFECT; IT HAD ALL BEEN PLANNED TO ALIGN WITH THE CELESTIAL BODIES; THE SETTING OF THE SUN AND THE RISING OF THE MOON. NOW IT WAS STARTING TO COOL AS THE SUN SANK SOFTLY IN A WARM GLOW, BIDDING A SILVER MOON TO SLOWLY APPEAR. WHAT COULD BE MORE ROMANTIC? WE HAD NOW MADE IT TO THE END OF OUR OUTBOUND TRIP, NEGOTIATED A 180 AND WERE HOMEWARD BOUND. THIS WAS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN I COULD EVER HAVE IMAGINED. HOW AWESOME IF I COULD REALLY MAKE A LIVING DOING THIS? WOW! I STARTED TO RELAX A LITTLE; IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE ENGINE, GENERATOR AND STEERING WERE GOING TO BE GRACIOUS TO ME TONIGHT AFTER ALL AND I FINALLY SIGHED WITH RELIEF. ALL WAS WELL AND IT WAS TIME FOR THEIR MEXICAN MEAL, MORE MAR-GAR-ITAS AND SCRUMPTIOUS CAKE! THE GUESTS QUICKLY SERVED THEMSELVES FROM THE BUFFET TABLE AND THEN GATHERED ON THE FRONT DECK; PLATES PILED HIGH WITH FOOD, THE BAND PLAYING UPSTAIRS; IT WAS THE PERFECT WEDDING…SO FAR. I GRAVITATED TO THE BOW TOO. I WANTED TO BE OUTSIDE TO FEEL THE SOFT SUMMER BREEZE ON MY CHEEK AND BE VISUALLY ENTERTAINED BY THE MIST AS WATER DROPLETS DAINTILY DANCED AROUND THE OVERSIZED ANCHOR THAT PROUDLY FORGED ITS WAY DOWN THE BRAZOS. IT WAS ALL SO EXCITING AND WONDERFUL. I WAS ECSTATIC, ALMOST DELIRIOUS...THE WEDDING, THE BOAT, THE GLORIOUS RIVER, THE STARS, THE MOON... ALL PERFECT! FINALLY I COULD RELAX AFTER SO MUCH TRAUMA THAT HAD PRECEDED THIS TIME. WOW... BUT THE BOW - IT SEEMED...WAS BOWING, WOE! WAS IT MY IMAGINATION OR WERE WE RIDING LOWER THAN WE SHOULD BE? IT WAS GETTING LATE, AND MAYBE IT WAS AN OPTICAL ILLUSION IN THE DARK BECAUSE THINGS JUST LOOK BLEAKER AT NIGHT; MORE OMINOUS. I MENTIONED MY CONCERN TO THE CAPTAIN WHO TOO READILY AGREED THAT INDEED, SHE WAS RIDING LOW, VERY, VERY LOW. OH NO! MY HEART WAS POUNDING AS I STARTED TO PANIC. YEP, THE FRONT END WAS NOW NOTICEABLY NOSE DIVING AND IT SEEMED THE ANCHOR THAT PROTRUDED HORIZONALLY OUT OVER THE BOW WAS NOW FULLY IMMERSED IN THE RIVER. WAS THE BOW NOW BOWING IN OBEISANCE TO THE MOON? NOW WE WERE SO FAR AND IT WAS SO NOT GOOD! SURELY WE WERE ALL GOING DOWN! THE ANCHOR NOW FORGING ALONG UNDER THE WATER WAS CREATING A VERY IMPRESSIVE WAKE OF ITS OWN AT THE FORE, RIVALLING THE PADDLEWHEEL’S SPUME AT THE STERN AS WE OMINOUSLY FORGED AHEAD. THE CAPTAIN NERVOUSLY STEPPED UP THE GAS...AND THE AQUATIC SHOW FROM THE ANCHOR PROGRESSED TO A MORE SPECTACULAR EVENT. WE HAD TO GET BACK, QUICKLY, FASTER…FASTER! NOW THE WATER STARTED TO SPLASH AND SPLOSH OVER THE TIP OF THE DECK; I WAS GETTING REALLY SCARED AS I WATCHED RIVULETS INNOCENTLY CREEP BACK AND FORTH ABOUT MY TOES. MY WOES GREW AS I OBSERVED THAT THE SMALL HOLES IN THE DECK THAT HAD BEEN DRILLED TO ATTACH THE FRONT ANCHOR APPARATUS, HAD FOUNTAINS PLUMING UP THROUGH THEM TOO; LIKE MANHOLES IN THE ROAD AFTER A VIOLENT DELUGE. NOW RIVULETS FLEW IN FATEFUL RHYTHM ACROSS THE BOW AS WE BOUNCED AND BUMPED ALONG. I WATCHED IN HORROR AS A LITTLE WAVE ROLLED ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE 10 FEET OF FRONT DECK AND LAPPED AT THE GLASS SLIDING DOORS… AND I KNEW WE WERE ALL GOING TO DIE! ... AND WHAT IS WORSE THAN DEATH ITSELF? MAYBE LIFE IN THE HANDS OF LAWYERS; ME BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THESE PEOPLE; YOU KNOW, THOSE WHO COULD SURVIVE AND SUE ME! MY IMAGINATION WAS RUNNING AMOK. YOU SEE, AT THAT TIME, MY FAITH WAS LOW! I DIDN’T REALLY BELIEVE IN HELL. I HAD DECIDED THAT IT WAS SIMPLY A MISUNDERSTOOD SCARE TACTIC USED TO EXTORT MONEY FROM CHURCH GOERS. THEY STILL DO, BUT THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM. GOD IS REAL, SO IS HEAVEN, THE OPPOSITE OF HELL, BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO BALANCE...INCLUDING MY BOAT, AND THAT WAS MY PROBLEM AT THAT MOMENT. “OK EVERYONE, COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE”, I TRIED TO BRAVELY SING OUT WHILE ATTEMPTING TO MAINTAIN AT LEAST THE ILLUSION OF PROFESSIONAL COMPOSURE, DIGNITY AND DECORUM, HA. “I’M AFRAID WE HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THE FRONT DECK AT THE SAME TIME. WOULD YOU PLEASE ALL GO INSIDE TO THE BACK OF THE DINING ROOM?” CASUALLY THE GUESTS MEANDERED OFF TOWARDS THE AFT IN PERFECTLY GOOD HUMOR. IT SEEMED TO HAVE THE DESIRED EFFECT AS ZION’S DREAM LEVELED OUT. NOBODY EVEN SEEMED DULY CONCERNED; I WAS AMAZED. WERE THEY NOT AWARE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PROBLEM? THEY WERE JUST INTERESTED IN HAVING THEIR PARTY AND THEIR FANTASTIC WEDDING, AND SOME EVEN THOUGHT THE LITTLE WAVES OVER THE DECK...WERE FUNNY! THEY WERE LAUGHING, SO HOW DRUNK WERE THEY? WHY I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A FEW SHOTS OF THE MARGARITAS MYSELF AS IT WAS DOING WONDERS FOR THEM. COME ON MOIRA, LOOSEN UP A BIT! NO, BETTER STAY SOBER AND MAKE SURE I HAD THAT INNER TUBE AT HAND FOR MY TRACHEOTOMY GUEST, HMMM WHERE DID I STORE IT? OH LORD… MY HEART WAS STILL THUMPING. “PLEASE GOD; PLEASE JUST GET US BACK TO THE DOCK SAFELY.” CONDEMNATION SET IN. WHY HADN’T I LOCATED APPROPRIATE PLACES TO PULL INTO ALONG THE WAY FOR AN EMERGENCY SUCH AS THIS? IT WAS TOO DARK TO SEE THE BANK NOW AND I WAS FILLED WITH DESPAIR. “THEREFORE ARE MY LOINS FILLED WITH PAIN: PANGS HAVE TAKEN HOLD UPON ME, AS THE PANGS OF A WOMAN THAT TRAVAILS: I WAS BOWED DOWN AT THE HEARING OF IT; I WAS DISMAYED AT THE SEEING OF IT. MY HEART PANTED, FEARFULNESS AFFRIGHTED ME: THE NIGHT OF MY PLEASURE HAS HE TURNED INTO FEAR FOR ME. PREPARE THE TABLE, WATCH IN THE WATCHTOWER, EAT, DRINK:” WOT? WELL, THAT WAS FROM ISAIAH 21:3,4... BUT I COULD RELATE! “THE NIGHT OF MY PLEASURE HAS HE TURNED INTO FEAR,” BECAME MY SIGNATURE TUNE AND THEME SONG! WOULD THIS BE MY FIRST TOW OR A ROW, ROW, ROW GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM? WOULD MY GUESTS EVEN SURVIVE? WOULD I IF MY PONTOON WENT DOWN…AND WHERE WOULD I REALLY GO? SERIOUSLY. MY POINT IS THAT THE GODDESS HELLE WAS DROWNED IN A NARROW STRAIT AND IT BECAME HELLESPOINT. IT IS SAID THAT SHE FELL OFF THE MYTHOLOGICAL RAM WITH THE GOLDEN FLEECE. WOULD I? ALL MYTHS HAVE A POINT. HAD I FALLEN OF THE LAMB OF GOD? YOU SEE, THE SEA OF HELLE, IS A REAL STRAIT IN TURKEY WITH A STRONG UNDERCURRENT, BUT AT THAT TIME, I WAS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE UNDERCURRENT OF THE WATERS OF THE BRAZOS THAN THE UNDERCURRENTS OF THE UNDERWORLD. AS A WAYWARD BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, I HAD ALREADY LEFT THE STRAIT AND NARROW AND WAS, LIKE SO MANY TODAY, DRIFTING DOWN THE RIVER OF DE-NILE.THAT TOO WAS DISCONCERTING IF I THOUGHT ABOUT IT...SO I TRIED NOT TO. DO YOU? NOW WITHOUT THE SUN, THE LAKE LOOKED LIKE A BLACK ABYSS, THREATENING AND INHOSPITABLE; THE DARK MYSTERIOUS BANKS EVEN MORE SO. THE SERENITY OF THIS BEWITCHING EVENING SUDDENLY TURNED LIKE A CAULDRON OF BLACK MAGIC, EVEN WITH MEN A SINGING FROM ABOVE, OR A LEAST THE THIRD DECK. OBVIOUSLY NOT ANGELS FROM ON HIGH; THE EERIE SOUND OF THE FIDDLE FLOATING DOWN TO MY EARS STIRRED UP DISTURBING MEMORIES OF THE MOVIE DELIVERANCE THAT SENT SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE. YES, WE EVEN HAD OUR OWN FIDDLE PLAYER UPSTAIRS… REMEMBER? DA DADA DA DA DADADA DA…DA.DA,DA DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEE. A LOATHSOME SENSE OF FOREBODING WAS OVERCOMING ME IN WAVES AS I PATHETICALLY STRAINED TO SEE THE WELCOMING SIGHT OF LIGHTS AT THE MARINA. IT SEEMED LIKE HOURS LATER BUT IN TRUTH IT WAS ONLY ABOUT 20 LONG MINUTES AND FINALLY, WE WERE AT THE NO WAKE ZONE; EVERY ONE ELSE WAS WIDE AWAKE AND HAVING LOTS OF FUN. WE WERE GETTING CLOSER…CLOSER; I HELD MY BREATH AS WE APPROACHED OUR SLIP. OH HAPPY DAY! WE WERE SAFELY BACK AS THE BOAT SOFTLY BUMPED THE DOCK, THE LINES WERE QUICKLY SECURED. THE BAND STRUCK UP AS THE PARTYING AND SINGING STEPPED UP A NOTCH. DIONYSUS WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD OF US. SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG AND ALL WAS WELL AND THEY WERE GOING TO PARTY DOCKSIDE FOR ANOTHER HOUR OR SO, OR...MAYBE NOT? MAY DAY...“CALL 911!” WAS ALL I HEARD… SADLY THERE WERE SEVERAL MORE BEFORE MY STORY’S END. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, IT WAS NOT THE GENTLEMAN WITH THE TRACHEOTOMY AS I HAD FEARED, BUT THE SILVER HEADED LADY WHO HAD COME ON BOARD UPSET BECAUSE OF THE HEAT…WHO WAS NOW PROSTRATE ON THE DECK, LIFELESS! OH NO! ANXIOUS FRIENDS AND FAMILY CLUSTERED OVER NONE OTHER THAN THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM. SHE HAD A HEART CONDITION AND ALL WAS NOT WELL; WAS SHE DEAD? NOBODY KNEW; GRABBING HER UNDER HER ARMS, TWO GUESTS PICKED HER UP AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY DRAGGED HER TO A CHAIR. ALTHOUGH OUT COLD, THE MOTION OF FOLDING THIS MUM ALMOST IN TWO AS THEY SAT HER DOWN, HAD THE EFFECT OF SQUEEZING HER STOMACH, RATHER LIKE SQUEEZING A TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE. NO! WOE. THE HEAT, THE WEDDING, THE EXCITEMENT, THE ROCKING AND ROLLING OF THE BOAT ALL PROVED TOO MUCH. SHE WAS NOT REVIVING, AND I WAS BARELY SURVIVING MYSELF. SUPPLIES FOR TIMES SUCH AS THIS WERE NOT YET ON MY INVENTORY LIST. MY MIND WENT BLANK AS MY MIND SO OFTEN DOES; I HAD MY OWN ISSUES. WHILE SHE WAS AT THE AFT OF THE BOAT, POSSIBLY IN HER DEATH THROWS, I WAS AT THE FORE FIGHTING OFF MY OWN PANIC ATTACK FROM PARTY THROWS. REALLY, I WAS WRESTLING MY OWN NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AND SUICIDAL TENDENCIES AND I TOO WAS RENDERED… USELESS. SHHHHH! WAS THAT A SIREN? YES, IT GOT LOUDER AND LOUDER AS THEY APPROACHED. WOT? SIRENS FROM THE LAKE, OFFSPRING OF THE GODS THAT SOUGHT OUT BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, OR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN THAT LOOKED LIKE BIRDS...OR MERMAIDS? NO, SIRENS FROM THE SCREAMING AMBULANCE BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG BECAUSE THE WAILING THEN GOT QUIETER AND QUIETER... AS THEY DISAPPEARED OVER THE 144 BRIDGE. WHOOPS, THEY HAD MISSED US. WOT?…WAIT…COME BACK! A FEW MORE CALLS ON THE CELL PHONES, AND THEY WERE WINDING THEIR WAY BACK THROUGH THE GRAVEL PARKING LOT. THANK YOU LORD. BY NOW SURELY EVERYONE IN THE AREA WAS AWARE OF THE CRISIS AS THE MEDICS GALLOPED UP THE DOCK WITH GURNEY BOBBLING ALONG BEHIND THEM. HOT ON THEIR HEELS WERE MARINA STAFF OR BOAT OWNERS AND MAYBE A FEW RANDOM FISHERMEN? THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM WAS CAREFULLY AND CAUTIOUSLY LOADED UP, AND STRAPPED DOWN AS A PRIZE TROPHY, LIKE A DEER AFTER THE HUNT. OH DEAR; HER EVENING OF ADVENTURE WAS STILL NOT OVER BECAUSE NOW SHE HAD TO ENDURE A PERILOUS GURNEY JOURNEY. TROLLEYING FETTERED ACROSS THE LONG FLOATING DOCK OVER THE DARK AND MURKY LAKE, SHE WAS HAULED BUMPETY BUMP, BUMPETY BUMP OVER THE WOODEN SLATS. OH PLEASE DON'T FALL OVERBOARD LIKE MISS MYTHOLOGICAL HELLE HAD EITHER, AND AVOID TROLLS AT ALL COSTS! I WATCHED WITH BAITED BREATH AS THIS LADY WAS CAREFULLY ROLLED INTO THE AMBULANCE BEFORE ROLLING OUT OF THE MARINA AND DISAPPEARING INTO THE NIGHT. THE GROOM LEFT IN A DAZE, TORN BETWEEN HIS TWO LOVES; HIS MOTHER AND HIS BRIDE. THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE GAZED IN DISBELIEF AS HER HANDSOME NEW HUSBAND DISAPPEARED INTO THE DARKNESS, WITHOUT HER. THE GUESTS LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, NOT QUITE KNOWING WHAT TO SAY OR DO. NOBODY HAD MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH THIS KIND OF VERY AWKWARD GRAND FINALE TO AN OTHERWISE BLISSFUL SUNSET WEDDING ON THE LAKE. MY FIRST PAYING TRIP WAS OVER. WELL THAT WAS TRAUMATIC! WHERE WAS MY GURNEY? I HAD HAD QUITE A JOURNEY TOO YOU KNOW! I JUST HAD TO DECOMPRESS AND HELP CLEAN UP THE BOAT; THERE WAS STILL SO MUCH TO DO. THE EVENING WAS RATHER EMOTIONALLY DRAINING AND I WAS SHATTERED...AND SELF CONSUMED. YESH...CONSUMATELY SELFISH, I HAD OFFERED NO CONDOLENCES, NO PRAYERS FOR THE PARTIES INVOLVED...NOTHING...JUST A BLANK STARE. MY SENSITIVITIES HAD GONE INTO OVERLOAD. I THOUGHT MY OLD LIFESTYLE OF BEING A SYSTEMS ANALYST AND PROGRAMMER WAS STRESSFUL BUT WAS THIS REALLY THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME? DID I HAVE ENOUGH ENDURANCE? WOAH, HOW ABOAT INSURANCE? VERILY, I WAS VERY TIRED BY THE TIME I DRAGGED MYSELF HOME. IT WAS MY FIRST SMALL PAYCHECK BUT I WOULD NOT DESPISE SMALL BEGINNINGS EVEN AS I CONSIDERED THE SERIOUSNESS OF WHAT LAY AHEAD, WHILE STILL ON THE ARMS OF GOD. IF YOU ENJOYED THIS STORY, PLEASE SEE THE PAGE, "MYSTERIES OF THE BIBLE: THE BRIDE OF CHRIST" TO SEE HOW JESUS WAS BETROTHED TO THE CHURCH AND LEFT HER TO GO TO HIS FATHER'S HOUSE TO ATTEND TO FAMILY BUSINESS... HE'S COMING BACK WHEN THE FATHER TELLS HIM TO.
I SHOULD HAVE SENSED AN OMEN ON THIS EXCESSIVELY HOT AND HUMID MID SUMMER DAY. IT WAS AT THE TURN OF THE MILLENNIUM WHEN A FRAIL ELDERLY GENTLEMAN STEPPED TOWARDS ME AND BRUSQUELY INQUIRED, “WHO ARE YOU?” “I AM MOIRA, MOIRA DILLS. I OWN THE BOAT,” I SAID, FULLY EXPECTING A SMILE, AND HALF EXPECTING A COMPLEMENT IN RETURN. THEN, TO MY SURPRISE, HE REACHED UP TO HIS NECK AND RIPPED OFF A LARGE SQUARE BAND AID. “SEE THIS?” HE ANXIOUSLY INQUIRED IN A RATHER THREATENING TONE, “I GET WATER IN THIS AND I AM DEAD!” I GASPED IN HORROR AS HE EXPOSED A CAVERNOUS HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS THROAT; THE RESULT OF A TRACHEOTOMY. I WAS VISIBLY SHOCKED AND TAKEN ABACK. THOUGHTS LIKE LIABILITY, LEAPT, JANGLED AND JARRED THROUGH MY MIND IN THIS SUE HAPPY AGE IN WHICH WE NOW LIVE AND SO SUDDENLY...I WAS NOT SUE HAPPY. “WELL, MAYBE, YOU SHOULDN’T COME?” I TENTATIVELY SUGGESTED. “NO, NO”, THE GROOM HASTILY INTERJECTED, “HE’S MY FATHER, JUST GIVE HIM THE TIRE INNER TUBE WITH THE LIFE JACKET - HE’LL BE FINE. HE’S GOING!” I WAS STUNNED, BUT THERE WAS NO TIME TO DWELL ON IT BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING. LINES WERE LOOSED, PROPS WERE PURRING, GENERATOR GENNING AND IT WAS ALL SYSTEMS GO FOR A GLORIOUS RIDE DOWN THE “THE RIO DE LOS BRAZOS DE DIOS,” OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE “THE RIVER OF THE ARMS OF GOD”. WOW. MY CUSTOM MADE BOAT HAD BEEN CONCEIVED AMIDST MUCH ADVERSITY AND CONTROVERSY IN 1999; DELAYS OF EVERY KIND HAD PLAGUED ITS TIMELY BIRTH IN THE LATE AND LAZY HAZY SUMMER DAYS OF 2000. I STILL HAD SERIOUS RESERVATIONS ABOUT TAKING RESERVATIONS, BUT WHEN ASKED IF I WOULD PLEASE RENT HER OUT FOR THIS FERRY TALE WEDDING, I CAUTIOUSLY AGREED. IT SEEMED VIABLE; ANOTHER TEST DRIVE AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE COMPLETELY FUNCTIONAL. I ONLY LACKED THE AIR CONDITIONING AND SOUND SYSTEMS. NO PROBLEM; THE GROOM EVEN HAD HIS OWN BAND AND SOUND SYSTEM AND WHO NEEDS AIR CONDITIONING ON A BOAT, SO LONG AS THE OTHER SYSTEMS WERE SOUND? IT WAS AGREED; I WOULD DO IT! I CUT HIM A STEAL OF A DEAL, JUST ENOUGH TO COVER MY COST WITH THE CLEAR UNDERSTANDING THAT THE BOAT WAS NOT COMPLETELY FINISHED, BUT IF THEY WANTED IT, I WOULD ACCOMMODATE THEM. THEY WERE A GREAT COUPLE AND GOOD LOOKING TOO! I WOULD EVEN HAVE ATTRACTIVE PHOTOS. YEAH. IT WAS ALL ARRANGED; THE MARINA HAD A MEXICAN RESTAURANT AT THE TIME, AND THEY WOULD CATER THE FOOD. DECORATIONS WERE SET UP WITH A WEDDING ARCH ON THE UPPER DECK THAT WAS TRIMMED IN IVY AND MORNING GLORIES FOR THIS GLORIOUS EVENT. NETTING AND TWINKLE LIGHTS COMPLETED THE HEAVENLY PICTURE THAT WOULD BE PICTURE PERFECT FOR WHEN THE MOON CAME OUT AND WE WOULD ALL CELEBRATE UNDER THE STARRY HOST OF HEAVEN. A PHOTOGRAPHER WOULD CAPTURE THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS; THE SCRUMPTIOUS CAKE WAS DELIVERED AND THE TABLES WERE DECORATED, DRIPPING IN DELIGHTS AND DELICACIES AND YES, I THOUGHT IT WAS TRULY A DREAM. THE BIG DAY HAD FINALLY ARRIVED FOR MY FIRST PAYING TRIP ON ZION’S DREAM. HOW COULD THESE 40 GUESTS EVER GUESS MY OWN EXCITEMENT, APPREHENSION AND ANTICIPATION ALL EFFERVESCING FROM WITHIN? A MARGARITA MACHINE HAD BEEN WRESTLED ON BOARD, BUT THIS MOIRA-GREETER HAD MORE EXCITEMENT BUBBLING UP INSIDE THAN ANY BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. AS THEY BOARDED, SURELY I WAS AS EXCITED AS THE BRIDE! NOBODY WOULD EVER BELIEVE ALL THE TRIALS THAT I HAD ALREADY BEEN THROUGH; I COULD HARDLY GRASP IT ALL MYSELF...AND WE HAD ONLY JUST BEGUN. THE GROOM WAS THE SINGER OF HIS OWN BAND WHICH WOULD NOW PROVIDE THE MUSIC. THE BAND HAD LABORIOUSLY HAULED ITS HEAVY SOUND EQUIPMENT AND INSTRUMENTS ON BOARD, THEN DRAGGED AND BUMPED THEIR MUSIC MAKING PARAPHERNALIA, AND POSSIBLY OTHER KINDS OF PARAPHERNALIA TOO, TO THE VERY TOP PARAPET ON THE THIRD FLOOR? HOW AWESOME! WELL DRESSED GUESTS HAD ARRIVED AND I NERVOUSLY BRISTLED WITH UNCERTAIN PRIDE AT THE OOOHS AND AHHHHS AS THEY SURVEYED THE INTERIOR OF THE BOAT. SOME THOUGHT IT IMPRESSIVE. OR WAS THAT THE HEAT? IT WAS IMPRESSIVELY OPPRESSIVE; POSSIBLY THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR SO FAR, OR SO IT SEEMED, PRESSING AROUND 104˚F. ONE LADY IN PARTICULAR WAS VERY DRAINED BY IT. “WHERE IS THE AIR?” SHE GASPED. “THERE ISN’T ANY”, I APOLOGIZED WITH MY OWN AIRE OF DESPONDENCY, WHEREUPON SHE JUST STARED AT ME IN DESPAIR, EVEN AS I HELPLESSLY... STARED BACK. WAS THAT A PREMONITION I WAS SEEING? SHE SEEMED TO WILT BEFORE MY EYES, AS SHE SLOWLY STAGGERED OFF, CAUTIOUSLY CLINGING TO THE TABLES AS SHE CREPT ALONG WHILE STRAIGHTENING THE TABLE DECORATIONS ALONG THE WAY. MY HEART WENT OUT TO HER AND I FELT AWKWARD ABOUT THE SITUATION, BUT MY HANDS WERE A LITTLE FULL, AND REALLY, WHAT COULD I DO? WELL IN HINDSIGHT AND TIME TO THINK CLEARLY, I COULD AT LEAST HAVE PRAYED FOR A GRACIOUS ZEPHYR WIND. I COULD HAVE PUT A SPECIAL COMFORTABLE CHAIR IN THE COOLEST BREEZIEST SPOT, I COULD HAVE FETCHED HER ICE COLD WATER... I WONDERED IF MAYBE THIS TRIP WAS NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL. SURE, THE BRIDE AND GROOM KNEW ABOUT THE TERRIFIC RATE, ON ACCOUNT OF US NOT HAVING AIR CONDITIONING, AND NOT BEING THOROUGHLY READY, BUT HAD THEY PASSED THAT INFO ON TO THEIR GUESTS? MAY BE NOT... BUT NEVER MIND; MORE GUESTS, MORE FOOD, MORE PRESENTS AND MORE BAND MEMBERS HAD TUMBLED ON AMIDST LOTS OF SMILES AND LAUGHTER. IT WAS GETTING A BIT CROWDED, AND WITH A GROWING SENSE OF WONDERMENT AND APPREHENSION I SECURED THE CATWALKS BEHIND THE PREACHER, PHOTOGRAPHER, AND HIS WIFE. READY OR NOT, ALL ABOARD, WE WERE DEPARTING THE DOCK. I COULD NOT HELP BUT BE A BIT ANXIOUS, BUT ALL WAS WELL AS MY HEART RACED WITH ANTICIPATION AND I ASSISTED THE CAPTAIN WITH OUR VERY FIRST FULL DEPARTURE. CAREFULLY THE CAPTAIN REVERSED AWAY FROM THE SLIP AND REALITY SET IN THAT THIS WAS REALLY HAPPENING AS WE SLIPPED OFF FOR OUR ROMANTIC DINNER CRUISE. IT WAS FULL STEAM AHEAD AND TIME FOR MY PREPARED SHORT SPEECH. SO FAR, SO GOOD BUT I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS AS IT WAS ALSO MY FIRST RECITAL. I TOOK A FEW MINUTES TO TELL ABOUT THE BOAT, THE LIFE JACKETS, SAFETY PROCEDURES AND THE FACT THAT THE PONTOONS WERE FOAM FILLED AND THEREFORE THE BOAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO SINK. HOW I HOPED AND PRAYED THIS WAS TRUE, AFTER ALL, ISN’T THAT WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THE TITAN-IC…AND WASN’T APHRODITE A TITAN, BORN ON THE CRESTS... OF SEAFOAM? I WOULD JUST GIVE MY SPEECH AND HOPE THAT MY PADDLE WHEELS WOULD JUST PADDLE RIGHT ON. AFTER ALL, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CELEBRATION; SOME THINGS I GUESSED THE GUESTS JUST DID NOT WANT TO NOAHA BOAT. THE WEDDING CEREMONY TOOK PLACE ON THE UPPER DECK WHERE ZION’S DREAM WAS ADORNED LIKE A BRIDE HERSELF. THE PINK PADDLEWHEEL POUNDED THROUGH THE WATER CREATING A DELIGHTFUL SPUME THAT SHOWERED UP BEHIND US, GLISTENING IN THE BLUSH OF THE FADING EVENING LIGHT. THE RIVER GURGLED HAPPILY FROM BELOW. THE DRAMATIC WHITE BLUFFS THAT ROSE UP BESIDE US WERE DRAPED IN THE SUN’S PASTEL HUE FOR THIS AUSPICIOUS OCCASION; IT WAS TRULY IDYLLIC ON THE VERY BEAUTIFUL BRAZOS RIVER THAT NIGHT. EXCITEMENT FILLED THE AIR FOR GUESTS AND STAFF ALIKE AS THE COUPLE SAID THEIR “I DO’S” AND I HAD ANOTHER FEELING...THAT IT WAS ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? THE GUESTS EVEN BLEW BUBBLES THAT DRIFTED IN THE SULTRY SUMMER AIR LIKE RAINBOW COLORED FAIRIES FLOATING OVER AIRY WAVES TO COMPLETE THIS PERFECT ETHEREAL SCENE. GLAD TIDINGS WAFTED UP TO THE HEAVENLIES THAT THIS COUPLE NOW WAS TIED. TIMING TOO WAS PERFECT; IT HAD ALL BEEN PLANNED TO ALIGN WITH THE CELESTIAL BODIES; THE SETTING OF THE SUN AND THE RISING OF THE MOON. NOW IT WAS STARTING TO COOL AS THE SUN SANK SOFTLY IN A WARM GLOW, BIDDING A SILVER MOON TO SLOWLY APPEAR. WHAT COULD BE MORE ROMANTIC? WE HAD NOW MADE IT TO THE END OF OUR OUTBOUND TRIP, NEGOTIATED A 180 AND WERE HOMEWARD BOUND. THIS WAS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN I COULD EVER HAVE IMAGINED. HOW AWESOME IF I COULD REALLY MAKE A LIVING DOING THIS? WOW! I STARTED TO RELAX A LITTLE; IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE ENGINE, GENERATOR AND STEERING WERE GOING TO BE GRACIOUS TO ME TONIGHT AFTER ALL AND I FINALLY SIGHED WITH RELIEF. ALL WAS WELL AND IT WAS TIME FOR THEIR MEXICAN MEAL, MORE MAR-GAR-ITAS AND SCRUMPTIOUS CAKE! THE GUESTS QUICKLY SERVED THEMSELVES FROM THE BUFFET TABLE AND THEN GATHERED ON THE FRONT DECK; PLATES PILED HIGH WITH FOOD, THE BAND PLAYING UPSTAIRS; IT WAS THE PERFECT WEDDING…SO FAR. I GRAVITATED TO THE BOW TOO. I WANTED TO BE OUTSIDE TO FEEL THE SOFT SUMMER BREEZE ON MY CHEEK AND BE VISUALLY ENTERTAINED BY THE MIST AS WATER DROPLETS DAINTILY DANCED AROUND THE OVERSIZED ANCHOR THAT PROUDLY FORGED ITS WAY DOWN THE BRAZOS. IT WAS ALL SO EXCITING AND WONDERFUL. I WAS ECSTATIC, ALMOST DELIRIOUS...THE WEDDING, THE BOAT, THE GLORIOUS RIVER, THE STARS, THE MOON... ALL PERFECT! FINALLY I COULD RELAX AFTER SO MUCH TRAUMA THAT HAD PRECEDED THIS TIME. WOW... BUT THE BOW - IT SEEMED...WAS BOWING, WOE! WAS IT MY IMAGINATION OR WERE WE RIDING LOWER THAN WE SHOULD BE? IT WAS GETTING LATE, AND MAYBE IT WAS AN OPTICAL ILLUSION IN THE DARK BECAUSE THINGS JUST LOOK BLEAKER AT NIGHT; MORE OMINOUS. I MENTIONED MY CONCERN TO THE CAPTAIN WHO TOO READILY AGREED THAT INDEED, SHE WAS RIDING LOW, VERY, VERY LOW. OH NO! MY HEART WAS POUNDING AS I STARTED TO PANIC. YEP, THE FRONT END WAS NOW NOTICEABLY NOSE DIVING AND IT SEEMED THE ANCHOR THAT PROTRUDED HORIZONALLY OUT OVER THE BOW WAS NOW FULLY IMMERSED IN THE RIVER. WAS THE BOW NOW BOWING IN OBEISANCE TO THE MOON? NOW WE WERE SO FAR AND IT WAS SO NOT GOOD! SURELY WE WERE ALL GOING DOWN! THE ANCHOR NOW FORGING ALONG UNDER THE WATER WAS CREATING A VERY IMPRESSIVE WAKE OF ITS OWN AT THE FORE, RIVALLING THE PADDLEWHEEL’S SPUME AT THE STERN AS WE OMINOUSLY FORGED AHEAD. THE CAPTAIN NERVOUSLY STEPPED UP THE GAS...AND THE AQUATIC SHOW FROM THE ANCHOR PROGRESSED TO A MORE SPECTACULAR EVENT. WE HAD TO GET BACK, QUICKLY, FASTER…FASTER! NOW THE WATER STARTED TO SPLASH AND SPLOSH OVER THE TIP OF THE DECK; I WAS GETTING REALLY SCARED AS I WATCHED RIVULETS INNOCENTLY CREEP BACK AND FORTH ABOUT MY TOES. MY WOES GREW AS I OBSERVED THAT THE SMALL HOLES IN THE DECK THAT HAD BEEN DRILLED TO ATTACH THE FRONT ANCHOR APPARATUS, HAD FOUNTAINS PLUMING UP THROUGH THEM TOO; LIKE MANHOLES IN THE ROAD AFTER A VIOLENT DELUGE. NOW RIVULETS FLEW IN FATEFUL RHYTHM ACROSS THE BOW AS WE BOUNCED AND BUMPED ALONG. I WATCHED IN HORROR AS A LITTLE WAVE ROLLED ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE 10 FEET OF FRONT DECK AND LAPPED AT THE GLASS SLIDING DOORS… AND I KNEW WE WERE ALL GOING TO DIE! ... AND WHAT IS WORSE THAN DEATH ITSELF? MAYBE LIFE IN THE HANDS OF LAWYERS; ME BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THESE PEOPLE; YOU KNOW, THOSE WHO COULD SURVIVE AND SUE ME! MY IMAGINATION WAS RUNNING AMOK. YOU SEE, AT THAT TIME, MY FAITH WAS LOW! I DIDN’T REALLY BELIEVE IN HELL. I HAD DECIDED THAT IT WAS SIMPLY A MISUNDERSTOOD SCARE TACTIC USED TO EXTORT MONEY FROM CHURCH GOERS. THEY STILL DO, BUT THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM. GOD IS REAL, SO IS HEAVEN, THE OPPOSITE OF HELL, BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO BALANCE...INCLUDING MY BOAT, AND THAT WAS MY PROBLEM AT THAT MOMENT. “OK EVERYONE, COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE”, I TRIED TO BRAVELY SING OUT WHILE ATTEMPTING TO MAINTAIN AT LEAST THE ILLUSION OF PROFESSIONAL COMPOSURE, DIGNITY AND DECORUM, HA. “I’M AFRAID WE HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THE FRONT DECK AT THE SAME TIME. WOULD YOU PLEASE ALL GO INSIDE TO THE BACK OF THE DINING ROOM?” CASUALLY THE GUESTS MEANDERED OFF TOWARDS THE AFT IN PERFECTLY GOOD HUMOR. IT SEEMED TO HAVE THE DESIRED EFFECT AS ZION’S DREAM LEVELED OUT. NOBODY EVEN SEEMED DULY CONCERNED; I WAS AMAZED. WERE THEY NOT AWARE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PROBLEM? THEY WERE JUST INTERESTED IN HAVING THEIR PARTY AND THEIR FANTASTIC WEDDING, AND SOME EVEN THOUGHT THE LITTLE WAVES OVER THE DECK...WERE FUNNY! THEY WERE LAUGHING, SO HOW DRUNK WERE THEY? WHY I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A FEW SHOTS OF THE MARGARITAS MYSELF AS IT WAS DOING WONDERS FOR THEM. COME ON MOIRA, LOOSEN UP A BIT! NO, BETTER STAY SOBER AND MAKE SURE I HAD THAT INNER TUBE AT HAND FOR MY TRACHEOTOMY GUEST, HMMM WHERE DID I STORE IT? OH LORD… MY HEART WAS STILL THUMPING. “PLEASE GOD; PLEASE JUST GET US BACK TO THE DOCK SAFELY.” CONDEMNATION SET IN. WHY HADN’T I LOCATED APPROPRIATE PLACES TO PULL INTO ALONG THE WAY FOR AN EMERGENCY SUCH AS THIS? IT WAS TOO DARK TO SEE THE BANK NOW AND I WAS FILLED WITH DESPAIR. “THEREFORE ARE MY LOINS FILLED WITH PAIN: PANGS HAVE TAKEN HOLD UPON ME, AS THE PANGS OF A WOMAN THAT TRAVAILS: I WAS BOWED DOWN AT THE HEARING OF IT; I WAS DISMAYED AT THE SEEING OF IT. MY HEART PANTED, FEARFULNESS AFFRIGHTED ME: THE NIGHT OF MY PLEASURE HAS HE TURNED INTO FEAR FOR ME. PREPARE THE TABLE, WATCH IN THE WATCHTOWER, EAT, DRINK:” WOT? WELL, THAT WAS FROM ISAIAH 21:3,4... BUT I COULD RELATE! “THE NIGHT OF MY PLEASURE HAS HE TURNED INTO FEAR,” BECAME MY SIGNATURE TUNE AND THEME SONG! WOULD THIS BE MY FIRST TOW OR A ROW, ROW, ROW GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM? WOULD MY GUESTS EVEN SURVIVE? WOULD I IF MY PONTOON WENT DOWN…AND WHERE WOULD I REALLY GO? SERIOUSLY. MY POINT IS THAT THE GODDESS HELLE WAS DROWNED IN A NARROW STRAIT AND IT BECAME HELLESPOINT. IT IS SAID THAT SHE FELL OFF THE MYTHOLOGICAL RAM WITH THE GOLDEN FLEECE. WOULD I? ALL MYTHS HAVE A POINT. HAD I FALLEN OF THE LAMB OF GOD? YOU SEE, THE SEA OF HELLE, IS A REAL STRAIT IN TURKEY WITH A STRONG UNDERCURRENT, BUT AT THAT TIME, I WAS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE UNDERCURRENT OF THE WATERS OF THE BRAZOS THAN THE UNDERCURRENTS OF THE UNDERWORLD. AS A WAYWARD BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, I HAD ALREADY LEFT THE STRAIT AND NARROW AND WAS, LIKE SO MANY TODAY, DRIFTING DOWN THE RIVER OF DE-NILE.THAT TOO WAS DISCONCERTING IF I THOUGHT ABOUT IT...SO I TRIED NOT TO. DO YOU? NOW WITHOUT THE SUN, THE LAKE LOOKED LIKE A BLACK ABYSS, THREATENING AND INHOSPITABLE; THE DARK MYSTERIOUS BANKS EVEN MORE SO. THE SERENITY OF THIS BEWITCHING EVENING SUDDENLY TURNED LIKE A CAULDRON OF BLACK MAGIC, EVEN WITH MEN A SINGING FROM ABOVE, OR A LEAST THE THIRD DECK. OBVIOUSLY NOT ANGELS FROM ON HIGH; THE EERIE SOUND OF THE FIDDLE FLOATING DOWN TO MY EARS STIRRED UP DISTURBING MEMORIES OF THE MOVIE DELIVERANCE THAT SENT SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE. YES, WE EVEN HAD OUR OWN FIDDLE PLAYER UPSTAIRS… REMEMBER? DA DADA DA DA DADADA DA…DA.DA,DA DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEE. A LOATHSOME SENSE OF FOREBODING WAS OVERCOMING ME IN WAVES AS I PATHETICALLY STRAINED TO SEE THE WELCOMING SIGHT OF LIGHTS AT THE MARINA. IT SEEMED LIKE HOURS LATER BUT IN TRUTH IT WAS ONLY ABOUT 20 LONG MINUTES AND FINALLY, WE WERE AT THE NO WAKE ZONE; EVERY ONE ELSE WAS WIDE AWAKE AND HAVING LOTS OF FUN. WE WERE GETTING CLOSER…CLOSER; I HELD MY BREATH AS WE APPROACHED OUR SLIP. OH HAPPY DAY! WE WERE SAFELY BACK AS THE BOAT SOFTLY BUMPED THE DOCK, THE LINES WERE QUICKLY SECURED. THE BAND STRUCK UP AS THE PARTYING AND SINGING STEPPED UP A NOTCH. DIONYSUS WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD OF US. SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG AND ALL WAS WELL AND THEY WERE GOING TO PARTY DOCKSIDE FOR ANOTHER HOUR OR SO, OR...MAYBE NOT? MAY DAY...“CALL 911!” WAS ALL I HEARD… SADLY THERE WERE SEVERAL MORE BEFORE MY STORY’S END. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, IT WAS NOT THE GENTLEMAN WITH THE TRACHEOTOMY AS I HAD FEARED, BUT THE SILVER HEADED LADY WHO HAD COME ON BOARD UPSET BECAUSE OF THE HEAT…WHO WAS NOW PROSTRATE ON THE DECK, LIFELESS! OH NO! ANXIOUS FRIENDS AND FAMILY CLUSTERED OVER NONE OTHER THAN THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM. SHE HAD A HEART CONDITION AND ALL WAS NOT WELL; WAS SHE DEAD? NOBODY KNEW; GRABBING HER UNDER HER ARMS, TWO GUESTS PICKED HER UP AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY DRAGGED HER TO A CHAIR. ALTHOUGH OUT COLD, THE MOTION OF FOLDING THIS MUM ALMOST IN TWO AS THEY SAT HER DOWN, HAD THE EFFECT OF SQUEEZING HER STOMACH, RATHER LIKE SQUEEZING A TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE. NO! WOE. THE HEAT, THE WEDDING, THE EXCITEMENT, THE ROCKING AND ROLLING OF THE BOAT ALL PROVED TOO MUCH. SHE WAS NOT REVIVING, AND I WAS BARELY SURVIVING MYSELF. SUPPLIES FOR TIMES SUCH AS THIS WERE NOT YET ON MY INVENTORY LIST. MY MIND WENT BLANK AS MY MIND SO OFTEN DOES; I HAD MY OWN ISSUES. WHILE SHE WAS AT THE AFT OF THE BOAT, POSSIBLY IN HER DEATH THROWS, I WAS AT THE FORE FIGHTING OFF MY OWN PANIC ATTACK FROM PARTY THROWS. REALLY, I WAS WRESTLING MY OWN NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AND SUICIDAL TENDENCIES AND I TOO WAS RENDERED… USELESS. SHHHHH! WAS THAT A SIREN? YES, IT GOT LOUDER AND LOUDER AS THEY APPROACHED. WOT? SIRENS FROM THE LAKE, OFFSPRING OF THE GODS THAT SOUGHT OUT BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, OR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN THAT LOOKED LIKE BIRDS...OR MERMAIDS? NO, SIRENS FROM THE SCREAMING AMBULANCE BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG BECAUSE THE WAILING THEN GOT QUIETER AND QUIETER... AS THEY DISAPPEARED OVER THE 144 BRIDGE. WHOOPS, THEY HAD MISSED US. WOT?…WAIT…COME BACK! A FEW MORE CALLS ON THE CELL PHONES, AND THEY WERE WINDING THEIR WAY BACK THROUGH THE GRAVEL PARKING LOT. THANK YOU LORD. BY NOW SURELY EVERYONE IN THE AREA WAS AWARE OF THE CRISIS AS THE MEDICS GALLOPED UP THE DOCK WITH GURNEY BOBBLING ALONG BEHIND THEM. HOT ON THEIR HEELS WERE MARINA STAFF OR BOAT OWNERS AND MAYBE A FEW RANDOM FISHERMEN? THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM WAS CAREFULLY AND CAUTIOUSLY LOADED UP, AND STRAPPED DOWN AS A PRIZE TROPHY, LIKE A DEER AFTER THE HUNT. OH DEAR; HER EVENING OF ADVENTURE WAS STILL NOT OVER BECAUSE NOW SHE HAD TO ENDURE A PERILOUS GURNEY JOURNEY. TROLLEYING FETTERED ACROSS THE LONG FLOATING DOCK OVER THE DARK AND MURKY LAKE, SHE WAS HAULED BUMPETY BUMP, BUMPETY BUMP OVER THE WOODEN SLATS. OH PLEASE DON'T FALL OVERBOARD LIKE MISS MYTHOLOGICAL HELLE HAD EITHER, AND AVOID TROLLS AT ALL COSTS! I WATCHED WITH BAITED BREATH AS THIS LADY WAS CAREFULLY ROLLED INTO THE AMBULANCE BEFORE ROLLING OUT OF THE MARINA AND DISAPPEARING INTO THE NIGHT. THE GROOM LEFT IN A DAZE, TORN BETWEEN HIS TWO LOVES; HIS MOTHER AND HIS BRIDE. THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE GAZED IN DISBELIEF AS HER HANDSOME NEW HUSBAND DISAPPEARED INTO THE DARKNESS, WITHOUT HER. THE GUESTS LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, NOT QUITE KNOWING WHAT TO SAY OR DO. NOBODY HAD MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH THIS KIND OF VERY AWKWARD GRAND FINALE TO AN OTHERWISE BLISSFUL SUNSET WEDDING ON THE LAKE. MY FIRST PAYING TRIP WAS OVER. WELL THAT WAS TRAUMATIC! WHERE WAS MY GURNEY? I HAD HAD QUITE A JOURNEY TOO YOU KNOW! I JUST HAD TO DECOMPRESS AND HELP CLEAN UP THE BOAT; THERE WAS STILL SO MUCH TO DO. THE EVENING WAS RATHER EMOTIONALLY DRAINING AND I WAS SHATTERED...AND SELF CONSUMED. YESH...CONSUMATELY SELFISH, I HAD OFFERED NO CONDOLENCES, NO PRAYERS FOR THE PARTIES INVOLVED...NOTHING...JUST A BLANK STARE. MY SENSITIVITIES HAD GONE INTO OVERLOAD. I THOUGHT MY OLD LIFESTYLE OF BEING A SYSTEMS ANALYST AND PROGRAMMER WAS STRESSFUL BUT WAS THIS REALLY THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME? DID I HAVE ENOUGH ENDURANCE? WOAH, HOW ABOAT INSURANCE? VERILY, I WAS VERY TIRED BY THE TIME I DRAGGED MYSELF HOME. IT WAS MY FIRST SMALL PAYCHECK BUT I WOULD NOT DESPISE SMALL BEGINNINGS EVEN AS I CONSIDERED THE SERIOUSNESS OF WHAT LAY AHEAD, WHILE STILL ON THE ARMS OF GOD. IF YOU ENJOYED THIS STORY, PLEASE SEE THE PAGE, "MYSTERIES OF THE BIBLE: THE BRIDE OF CHRIST" TO SEE HOW JESUS WAS BETROTHED TO THE CHURCH AND LEFT HER TO GO TO HIS FATHER'S HOUSE TO ATTEND TO FAMILY BUSINESS... HE'S COMING BACK WHEN THE FATHER TELLS HIM TO.